october

So this morning I went to the mall. I found out there is finally a place in Ft. Myers that does eyebrow threading! If you don't know what that is, google it. It's much much better than waxing or plucking! After sitting in a chair for 10 minutes in pain (yeah, hurts more than waxing, but sooo worth it), I decided to go to starbucks. I ordered my skinny vanilla latte like usual. I start looking around the store and I take note of all the autumn decorations up and all their advertisements for pumpkin spice lattes. It occurred to me then that today is the first day of October. The last full month that Michael was alive. My eyes automatically welled up with tears. I didn't think it would be this hard. I knew this month was coming. Hell, I even blogged about it yesterday. But today it hit me like a train.

I couldn't get out of starbucks fast enough. I had intended to look around for some new fall clothes, but I had to get out of the mall. I don't normally get upset in public... alone. If I do, it's most likely with someone else when we are talking. But I couldn't hold it together. I tired to think of things that Michael and I did this month last year. It was filled with dog parks, photo shoots, salt water aquariums, double dates, motorcycle rides, work, school, doctors appointments, exams, papers, and halloween parties. Life, last year, this month, was perfect. But no matter how much I tried to think about the good, happy things, it didn't help. I am constantly reminded that we will never have those memories and moments again.

I couldn't make it out the mall fast enough, I had to put my sunglasses on inside before it was obvious. Once I got to my car I just broke. I needed to stop and get dog food, but I couldn't. I have a feeling this month will be hell.

I miss you so much Michael.
No star in the sky will burn longer than my love for you.
Until we meet again...