travels

Long time no post. I have decided that during this month, the last month that Michael was alive, I shouldn't spend much time at home. Because when I stay at home for too long, I dig myself into such a deep depression hole, not much can get me out of it. And especially this month, I don't want to give myself too much alone time.

The first week of October, I went with my sister to Manhattan. Five years ago, after I graduated high school, we went up there for a 4 day weekend. That trip was one of the best trips I had ever taken. We had such a good time, we did what we wanted and it was the first trip with my sister as adults, so that meant we both got along really well.

Leah and I on Canal Street in 2005

This trip was a little different. Yes, we had a good time. Yes, we got along. Yes, we did what we wanted. But it was different. I couldn't help but to compare my life now to the life I had five years ago. For the majority of the past five years, things have played out the way I expected them to. Except death got in the way. I shutter at the thought of another five years. Where will I be? What will I be doing? Will I even be alive then? Thoughts like that are never good because the only thing I can see when I think of five years from now is a black hole.

 First taxi ride in the city

 Central Park

We even went to go see Wicked. Which is awesome btw :)

This past week I was in Dallas, TX visiting friends of ours from the Marine Corps. These guys are like my brothers and they both recently got out of the Marines and have moved to Texas. When we were stationed at Camp Pendleton, you would most likely see one of these guys at our house. It was nice to just relax and hang out with friends who have stuck it out with me. But that the same time it was strange. Michael wasn't there. When ever we would hang out before everything happened, Michael would obviously be there too. It was like I was missing half of my whole. I didn't like it. I tried to make those feelings go away, but it was hard to hide them. I did enjoy though just sitting back and listening to them talk about the Marines and military stuff. I would jump in time to time and I was so surprised at how much I actually remembered. It was good to realize that that stuff isn't gone, it's just stored away because it's not likely that I am around Marines anymore.

Now I'm home. Dreading the upcoming weeks that are leading up to the one year mark. I have no idea how that day will be. How to even approach it. I have been having anxiety about this day ever since the day everything happened. So if you have any suggestions on what to do or stories of hitting your one year mark, please comment, email, facebook, whatever! I just need to know what to do!