Sunday, February 14, 2010


It seems like whenever there is a big event or holiday that comes up, there is something that happens that acts as a distraction and takes my mind away from the pain that I feel knowing that he is not going to come home.

Christmas: I was in Kansas and my step sister, who was pregnant with a beautiful baby girl, got very sick. The stomach virus started with me and then it was passed to her, then to my step-mom and then to my dad. On Christmas day Alexis got it really bad. So bad that going to the hospital was a requirement. So from 8 am until the afternoon we were in the hospital. I'm sorry Alexis, but thank goodness you were sick. By the time we got home, half of the day was already gone.

New Years: Nothing big happened. I went over with my in-laws to their neighbors and I was entertained by my sister-in-law actin a fool :)

My Birthday: Thank God for the AWP. It came at a time that I really needed something good to happen. The week before the getaway was the week I was back in San Diego to pack up our apartment. Besides the funeral and losing Michael, packing up our home was one of the hardest things for me to do. That was the last place that we were together. The last place we touched. The last place we kissed. And within half a day, it was packed up and placed neatly on a moving truck to be driven across the country. It was the night after I was packed up, when I got an email from Taryn, the founder of the AWP asking me to call her right away. So I did just that. She told me that someone had dropped out from the up coming getaway and that I was now able to come. I didn't realize until after I got off the phone with her that my birthday was that same weekend as our trip to Orlando. Those women did an amazing job of making my birthday special. That weekend gave me an amazing gift that I can never describe. I got an amazing wave of strength and sort of a push to continue going on and continue living for Michael.

Valentine's Day: Ok so Michael and I never were fans of vday. It is a Halmark made holiday and we both didn't think that you should just have one day that you celebrate love for one another. But we still did the cute typical vday things. Last year Michael got me a bouquet of the gorgeous roses. We also got our dog Koby. We had a picnic in Balboa park with Koby and went for a walk with our new addition while the sunset. It was an awesome day, definitely up there on my top 10 happiest days. This vday, I have a distraction as well. I am currently on an airplane flying to San Fransisco. My Grandma is slipping faster than expected. My grandma and I have not always been close, but I love her no matter what. I am so thankful for her, because without her my family wouldn't be here. I am so thankful that I am able to see her one last time. It is a difficult thing when dealing with these things. However, it is still a distraction. I'm not thankful for it and I wish it were something else that was happening.

I have some weird feeling that Michael is up there pulling some strings to make these things happen. Not a second goes by that my mind isn't on you. Some times I think I must be going crazy because there are times where I'll get this wave of warmth and peace come over my body and I think that he must be right there with me. Like I am in a scene from Ghosts (I think I only saw the movie once and I was little when I did see it) and Michael is right there. Right there at the brink of two words trying to comfort me when I need him the most. There will be times in the middle of the night where I will wake up and I feel this feeling and it so strong that I really think he is laying right next to me. Call me crazy but I feel like it is a gift. So today, I am going to bask in Michael's love and think of the times we spent together. I love you Michael. No star in the sky will burn longer than my love for you.

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