Lately

About a week after the funeral, my dad, the researcher that he is, found an organization that focused its attention solely on military widows. The American Widow Project was founded by the amazing Taryn Davis after she was 21 and widowed. The American Widow Project allows other military widows to connect to one another and help threw a different process of healing. This past weekend I had the honor of being apart of a get-away. 12 women in total, all from different cities, states, all had different stories and backgrounds. But we all had one huge thing in common, we were (and still are) deeply in love with someone, but that love was interrupted by death. We all laughed, cried, and shared stories about our loved ones and through that, we were all able to grow and to heal a little from the loss that we feel. I was the newest widow. I do not know where I am at in this process called grieving, but I do know that this weekend has definitely made me stronger and I did get that push to continue to go on.

Another good thing that has happened is that I found a house! The house is perfect for what I need right now. 3 bedrooms, 2 bath, with a den, 1900 sq feet, move in ready and a huge back yard! I know that Michael would be so excited about it as well. Even though this is a good thing, I can't help but not to be saddened by it as well. Michael and I should be moving into this house together. I am not used to making these kind of decisions without him. I almost don't want this to happen, because I know I am moving forward with my life, without him. I hate this. I really do.

My birthday came and went. I was in Orlando with the ladies of the AWP for my birthday and they did an amazing job of celebrating my birthday. I really appericate all that they did. This was a day I didn't want to come. Here I go... referencing Twilight again, but I feel like Bella, when she was growing older, but Edward was stuck at 17. I don't want to be older than Michael. I know that day will come when I will be 24 and he will be stuck at 23. It sucks that something as simple as an age and growing older can be so painful. I know I have always said this, but I wish that life came with a remote control, that way I could just press pause at those times that I never want to leave, or rewind to get back to a good part. If time travel were actually a real thing, I would be the happiest girl alive!

The risk of love is loss,

and the price of loss is grief

but the pain of grief

is only a shadow

when compared with the pain

of never risking love