Saturday, August 14, 2010

that point

Has it come to that point?
Where people don't want to talk about Michael anymore?
When the only time his name is spoken is then it comes out of my mouth.
And when I do say his name or tell a story, it's quickly passed over with other conversation.
That point when I feel guilty for bringing up his name and making others feel uncomfortable.
Has Michael become that taboo subject that no one can bear to talk about anymore?
Or if he is talked about, it's done so in a hushed manor.

Has it come to that time when people question me for being in a bad mood?
When people start talking to me about making the most out of life. That life is too short not to be happy.
Where I feel like I have to put on a facade when I am around others, just so I'm not questioned.
That point when it's not even worth interacting with other humans because the only thing I want to do is scream "I'M A WIDOW AND YOU ARE STUPID!"
And when people start telling me about how horrible their life is. 

It is that time.
I feel like there is this internal battle going on.
I feel like my heart is breaking even more.
One of my biggest fears is slowly coming true.
I have never wanted Michael to get pushed in the shadows and I feel like that's exactly what's happening.

7 comments:

  1. aww, sweetie I'm so sorry you feel like that. Any time you'd like to talk about Micheal and tell stories and remember how awesome he was I am always here to listen. He's such a wonderful part of you that he can never be forgotten and will always be alive in your heart.

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  2. Isn't it terrible and crazy the way people can make you feel. Dan is almost never talked about anymore, unless it's me or my family. It's only been 3 years, and one of his close friends didn't even get the day that he passed away correct. I almost flipped out about it today. But, keep talking, keep telling your stories, and those who don't like that they are hearing anything about Michael can go piss off. I'll gladly listen anyday!! HUGS!! <3 you!!

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  3. Girl, you continue to talk about him, talk about him loud and proud. I can not wait to meet you AND him in 2 weeks! I can't wait to hear all about him!!! At least you know it's almost THAT point where you're surrounded by widsters :)

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  4. Been following your blog, I can't imagine and my heart and prayers go out to you. I would encourage you to embrace every memory of Michael and continue to talk about him, it may seem like others are uncomfortable but maybe they are also comforted that someone is strong enough to talk about him.

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  5. I have two comments:)
    He won't be pushed into the shadows, he'll always be in your life.

    For his birthday.
    Had a close friend who died and to remember her on her birthday we had a little get together. Had everyone put a note in a balloon for her and let them drift up to the sky. It was our notes to Heaven for her.

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  6. Aw, sweetie, I'm sorry. I think people have well-meaning intentions behind their avoidance of talking about Michael. They probably don't want to upset you or make you sad. Echoing the previous commentors, definitely keep talking about him. I'm sure people who don't talk about him anymore still think about him all the time and do actually want to talk about him. I think about you two frequently and it's been a long time since we last saw each other.

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