when does it stop?

Even after a year and a half without him
I am still caught off guard.
My mind will wonder
to the day, the very moment, when I got that phone call

"Allison, Michael died in an accident"

And for a couple of minutes I can't breathe.
And tears just stream down.
And it still hurts just as bad as the day it happened.
Like a fire in my chest that causes my blood to burn my veins.
I immediately question
Why us?
Why him?
Why me?

Does this feeling ever go away?
Or fade?
I don't know if I am looking for an answer
because everyone is different.
I guess I'm just tired of hurting.
And I want to be ok.
If that's even a possibility.