Wednesday, January 12, 2011

oh the horror!

This week I started school, again. This is the 3rd school (and hopefully final) that I have transfered to. With moving back to Fort Myers after everything happened, school choices were limited. Really my only choice was to start going to Florida Gulf Coast University (FGCU). I really dreaded going here because it's not known for being a really good school. It's nothing like SDSU. It kind of makes me sad, but in a way, it's my only choice. And I did choose to move back here, no one forced me... sort of. I was going to wait to blog about my first week until the end of the week, but so far this week has been a joke. No really. A huge joke.

Day One - My first class was at 2. Which was fine, not a big deal, I usually like to take morning classes to get everything out of the way. But my choices of classes to take were limited since I registered later than most people. I knew I would run into people that I knew from my past. It's inevitable, I am going to the only major university in the town that Michael and I grew up in. But I never expected this... the professor walks in and it's someone I know from high school! Granted, he was a senior when I was a freshmen. He was also in band with Michael and I. In a way, it's not so bad. He remembered me and he knows what happened so maybe he would be sympathetic to what I am going through, I'm not expecting it though. But seriously, what are the odds of this happening?

Day Two - just one class on Tuesday. Again, this one started at 2. I got there a little early so I was waiting in the hallway waiting for the class before me to come out. About 5 minutes before the class started I recognized someone I knew, I had to do a double take because I couldn't believe what I was seeing. It was Michael's first serious girlfriend (if you know what I mean). And she was in my class!!! I about threw up. I was so nervous/uncomfortable that my heart was racing a mile a minute and I started to get shaky. If that wasn't bad enough, the class size was small enough that the teacher wanted us to introduce ourselves! She knows who I am (again, we were in band together), she knows I am Michael's wife, and she HAS to know what happened. Thank goodness she didn't say anything to me. But seriously, what are the odds of this happening?! The class is offered 19 times this semester, and each of the classes are capable of holding 25 students. AND she graduated in 2003 and as far as I know, she has only really been in school, so why is she just taking this class now? I wanted to die. I wanted to crawl in a hole and die. I can't drop or switch into a different class either. Considering the VA and my scholarship, it's too complicated. And I have to take this class in order to graduate on time. On the bright side, the class only occurs once a week, so I just have to avoid her for the next 15 weeks.

Anyway, that whole situation just brought on a whole can of worms I never thought I would have to deal with. I never had to deal with ex-girlfriends when Michael was alive, so why now?! The only thing I wanted to do yesterday was just talk to him. Tell him what was going on and what I should do and how I should handle it. I needed to hear his reassurance that everything would be ok, but his voice is nothing but too far away. It's just another reality check that he isn't here.

Day Three - I had my statistics for behavioral sciences class today. I walk into the class and I see the crypt keeper at the front of the room! My instructor for this class is, I'm sure, older than dirt!! We come to find out that his formal education background is in engineering. Not math. Not psychology. Nope. Engineering. Sooo why is he teaching a course that is critical for psychology majors? It's beyond me. He seems super easy and nice, but I would much rather learn something from someone who is qualified.

At that point I just wanted to laugh... and then go home, because really? Why does it seem like this whole school thing is the worst case scenario? My sister says that it's God trying to test me. But really? haven't I been tested enough?! God really does have a sense of humor if I do say so myself.

However, in the moment when all I wanted to do was go home, I checked facebook and my gorgeous friend Mandy posted a quote:

‎"The test of an adventure is that when you're in the middle of it, 
you say to yourself, 'Oh, now I’ve got myself into an awful mess; 
I wish I were sitting quietly at home.' 
And the sign that something's wrong with you is
 when you sit quietly at home wishing you 
were out having lots of adventure."

And that's what this all is, a freakin' adventure. And I am tired of sitting at home wishing I were somewhere else.



  1. :) I was trying to choose between this quote and another one today, and I'm really glad I went with this one!! Love you Allie!!

  2. Wow, what an eventful week. I am glad that you were able to get back in and finish up your educational dreams though. I hope the rest of the semester is better than you first week. ((Hugs))

  3. 1) Yay for back to school, but it is quite an adjustment! Be proud of yourself for taking that step, I'm sure Michael is. And I am :)

    2) that quote is awesome and I completely agree and see it being applicable at this very moment for me as well. I didn't see it earlier, so thank you for re-sharing!

    love you!

  4. this quote couldnt have come at a better time where I am scared shitless of the "adventure" I have dived into down here in Australia....I feel for you Allison....thank you so much for the comfort toay...xoxo

  5. I'm proud of you baby. I think God puts these things in front of us as a reminder that he's in charge. I love you :)