So 2011 is here. I didn't feel the necessity to blog on New Years. Last year was completely different. I did not want to embrace the new year. I wanted nothing more than to dig my nails into time itself to prevent it from going on. I couldn't stand the idea of going into a new year without Michael by my side.
This time around it was a little different. I so desperately wanted 2010 to be over. 2010 was nothing but a bad year, with the exception of a few events. I was scalp deep, and still am, in my grief. I have learned that the only way to achieve happiness is from within yourself. I have learned to rely on no one or thing to make me happy. My struggle this year is to find the strength, will, and motivation to find happiness.
I have also learned that even though the distance from when I last laid eyes on my breathing, alive husband continues to become greater and greater, I know that the distance from when I will be able to see him again continues to get shorter and shorter. And I am learning to be ok with that. I guess in a way, I am starting to accept what has happened.
I want more good days than bad days. I don't want to be afraid of life anymore. So I guess my new years resolution is to find some sort of inner peace and happiness. Oh and to lose at least 20 pounds. :)