Thursday, May 6, 2010

six months

I can't believe it. Today marks 6 months since Michael was alive. I have not spoken to my husband in 6 months. This is absolutely crazy. I was lying in bed this morning just looking at our things. Our bed. Our dresser. Thinking, how did these get here? Why aren't they in California? Why am I in Florida?

That's right. Because 6 months ago, someone couldn't wait the 10 seconds it would have took for Michael to pass him. Someone decided to go when Michael was right there. Some old man thought that he was still ok enough to drive himself. Someone decided that Michael shouldn't live anymore.

I cannot believe that 6 months has already gone by. 6 months from now will be a year. And in 6 days, it will be our 3rd wedding anniversary. I rented a condo on the same beach that we got married, for a week. I don't know why I did it. Maybe, somehow, staying on the beach will bring me closer to Michael. Which I don't think is possible, because I swear I feel him around me all the time.

Michael, not a second goes by that my mind isn't on you. I miss you so much, at times it is unbearable. I wish we could be together again, because being able to look in your eyes again would be my heaven. Life here without you is so hard. You were not supposed to die. We were supposed to do the old and gray thing. I feel like my love for you has only grown since you left. I feel your love around me all the time. But it doesn't seem to lessen the pain that I feel knowing that you are gone. There is nothing that will bring you back and that kills me. I promise you that I will continue to be so in love with you even after my heart stops beating. I love you so much Michael. No star in the sky will burn longer than my love for you. Always.

1 comment:

  1. I went to sleep last night with my rosary in my hands, I fell asleep holding it, I woke up this morning, thank God. I woke up this morning thinking back to last night, did I finish praying the rosary, or did I not? Our son Michael so dear to our hearts, my second born, how I miss you Miquinho. Dad and I cry every, everyday, the smallest things that make us look at each other and we each know what the other is thinking because of the tears that start coming down our faces. It's now six months since I last saw you Miquinho, no longer able to hold, but I recall holding you in my arms, no longer able to hear you speak to me, but I still speak to you, no longer able to smell your sweet handsome body near me, but I'm able to look back and remember the scents. There's so much that I can't do since you were taken away from us, but that man that took you on that day, CAN NOT take the great memories I have of you. Rest in peace my son, Mom and Dad loves you.