fast forward

I feel like I am just waking up. I am starting to come to and I am looking around thinking... how did I get here? It's coming up on 5 months. In 4 more days it will be 5 months. It has been 147 days since November 6th. I think back about my life before, and I think I used to bearly go 2 days without talking to Michael, even while he was in Iraq. If a whole entire day passes, if 25 hours had passed and I had not spoken to Michael, I would get very anxious until he called. I haven't talked to him in almost 5 months. It is absolute craziness to me and I don't know how I have dealt with it as well as I have.

So today, I was just sitting there, and I just feel like I was hit by a rush of reality. I feel like my life has been on a VHS tape and on November 6th someone hit fast forward and here I am. I don't remember how I got here. I can think back and I see myself. But I only see my shell. I don't see me. This is my life now and I so desparately wish, so very badly that I had my life before back.

I want this back. I love you so much Michael. My love for you is ever eternal.