One of my biggest fears since the beginning of this journey has been my memory of Michael slowly fading. I am so afraid that I will forget him. I am afraid that as new memories form the memories of Michael will slowly get pushed out. Just like the memories of high school are much more distant than the ones of college. I don't want Michael to go anywhere. I have been wanting to write all of the memories that I have of him down, but I just can't. For some reason is to too painful to remember each detail and relive it knowing that I will never feel that way again. But at the same time, I know its necessary.
I know for a fact that there are definitely memories that will never fade. For example, the first time we kissed and the way his lips felt against mine. It was completely different and I knew for some reason I wouldn't kiss anyone else. The look on his face when he came to pick me up from the airport in San Diego for my first visit out to see him. How it felt the first night I fell asleep in his arms. The emense pain I felt when I had to say "see you later" before he left for his first deployment. The horrific anticipation I felt the night he was coming home and the huge relief I felt when I saw his huge smile walking towards me and finally having him in my arms again for the first time in a year. The look in his eyes when he asked me to marry him.
I'm sorry I can't write everything that I wanted to write.